We're in a recession?

Seriously, we've been in a personal recession since the bubble burst back in 2000. 

That's right... we're dotcom refugees. Nothing huge or grandiose. 

It was just our career path for about as long as the Web was around. 

We had fun. We had faith. We invested our own cash into tech stocks and our own companies as much as we could. Did I say we had faith? It's true. We had fun. 

We met great, talented people - both young and old, green and seasoned - and worked together to build SOMETHING. That was what we did. Did I say we had fun? Well, we did. 

Startups are a crazy style of company. Your development group or sales group or even the operations people - possibly all the same person - become your second family. We'd eat together and work insane hours to make deadlines. In the daily passing of time, many stories are shared and you get to know each person as the person they really are - beyond the interview - when you realize you were spot-on in hiring this person. It's a bonding experience that never goes away. 

Even when we have to hire more people to expand, and the core group doesn't spend as much time together as they used to because they are training and sharing with others. We don't get to spend much time with each other again because growth is its own animal, sort of like growing up together and going off to college. A drink or a meal every now and then to catch up is the mode, but that bond never changes. It's why when we interviewed people, one of the beacons we looked for was a personality. A good one. Not a fake interview one - though I must admit that I did hire one or two of those types out of desperation to fill a position with a qualified candidate - and guess what? Each time it came back to bite me (personally) in the ass... but that's another story. 

You see, a personality is hugely important when times are stressful. Team members need a sense of self and a sense of humor that will help them rise above the office politics and personality conflicts that inevitably develop. Especially when things become territorial. And they always become territorial when a company grows. "I can't lose my job, man." 

Communication is essential. Honest communication is crucial. This is how things go awry. When you've got a core team of, say, 5 people - all running research and development, sales and marketing and making sure the coffee pot stays full, it's called teamwork or symbiosis. Each member cares for the other, not simply out of good manners, but because the outcome hinges on each one creating a solid foundation as a whole. 

You know...the chair analogy: it's all about balance and keeping each other propped up. "Sure, I can see that you're swamped right now, I'll answer the phones," or "You've got carpal tunnel? You dictate and I'll type for you." These are the things I speak of. We prop each other up when appropriate in order to keep the balance. It's the times when communication fails that we experience imbalance. "I've just made a deal with this huge company who will infuse cash for expansion, and all will be good," said our CEO. It looked good on paper. When questioned about the details, though... the train of communication broke down and we were left at the station with a task list. Our input became secondary and we had to fight to be heard. That lack of understanding the new machinations lead to a slow corrosion of trust and motivation. Now we were beholden to an entity of which we had no connection... and they only wanted a "small hand" in running the business. In actuality, they held the purse strings. And they held them tightly. It looked good on paper and in theory we had nothing to fear or distrust. But I wouldn't be writing about it right now if it hadn't affected me, personally, in the long run - for good or bad. This is one example, though loosely framed, of a few of these communication breakdowns I have experienced. It's never fun, but I always learn something about myself and the wild world of business in which I used to participate. I was at the top of my game then, making $85k with 2% of the company in stock options - a fair negotiation for a crazy idea and options always offset your salary in those days, if you were an honest, fair person who wasn't greedy, who wanted to leave something for the other potential employees. 

In the end - because the details of this are their own long story - I chose to drop out and simplify. That, in and of itself, was a long, unwinding road... It took, literally, years to decompress. Everything from 1993-2000 was so fast and furious that the moments where we allowed ourselves to breathe were like mini vacations - even just a hike in the woods or an afternoon visiting family. Still, always connected to e-mail or a cell phone (even when they weighed 2 lbs). Nature and my family were my only haven in those days, and I sought more of it. My own imbalance became frightfully evident one day. 

But that is another post.