NaniVision :: a look back and beyond today

This time I am tidying up this little dangly bit, so others don't have to, setting things as straight as I can as someone who has learned from experience that the letting go of each evolutionary step is what allows us to evolve. Nothing ironic or contradictory about that catch-22. Not a thing. Except this happened. I was offered a space in a group shamanic ritual Of course, I casually jumped at the (what would be) once-in-a-lifetime offer. How much would I need to donate (read "cost"). How long will it take? I can't miss my plane back to the States. What can I expect? Throwing up and taking turns throwing hanging your ass over a hole in the ground called a toilet. Careful not to fall in!  So I went. And I was the very last to puke, which seemed like I was blessed, but I think it was because I knew not to go back for a second cup. I'm experienced if you know what I mean . For goodness sake, I was already so cleaaannnnn. Our time in Ecuador was a fast-tracked versi...

I've been thinking clearly as of late. Many things have transpired against my will... or have they? The question always seems to remain, no matter how much I put things in perspective where they make sense using a combination of logic and historical evidence of behavior. Apparently, it's all in my mind. You see, the truth lies in the truth. Sort of an oxymoron in terms of word usage, "truth" and "lies", but there it is. What I've learned just in the past 6 months, being in Ecuador around so many peace-loving people who, on the surface, are on the right path for their own salvation, so to speak, they are also on the mend from lack of self-love. And therein lies the truth. We, who are seeking our own, unique salvation, are exactly that: we are on our own. Sure, we can seek the tools to gain enlightenment, but they are useless if we do not go to the heart of the matter, which ironically is our heart. Our hearts are the core of our being. Before it even begi...

A couple of nights ago, an opportunity presented itself at the last minute. A full moon. An opening in a sacred medicine ceremony for the night. The person who made the opening available to watch Dec for the eve and morn. We met the shaman lady who wanted to make sure we weren't schizo or had any health problems. She's very interesting... originally from Austria. Very earthy, with a Garbo-esque accent and Egyptian-like haircut. She's totally groovy. We got the green light and was told to meet at her place at 8:30p... about a 15-minute walk. We could have a light lunch but then should fast for the rest of the evening, except for water. And bring a blanket and comfortable clothing because it was an outdoor experience. The full moon lighting our way, we snipped some flowers for Pachamama as part of the ceremony which also included something sweet and some red wine. We also brought some nuts and fruit for the next morning. The all-nighter began around 9pm when everyone assemble...

I'm moving more "stuff" around. Not sure why I'm calling it "stuff" rather than "shit", which is more appropriate at this point in my life. I think it's because this is a public forum and I really shouldn't use words like shit, fuck... not even crap. Some people will take it the wrong way, so I'll just use the word "stuff". It actually lets me off the hook in a way - as if I made a good decision about its acquisition. It was for a good cause... it was a gift... because it was cute... because it was cheap. Scratch that... it was affordable. What a load. Lately I have been looking at my stuff. As Mike alluded to in it a post months ago - we are responsible for everything we touch. Holy crap! That's stupid unless you look deeper and realize that it's absolutely true when practiced absolutely . You see, I've come to notice that much of our ego is about making us "feel better". A safety mechanism. A defense s...

Mike and I are on a journey. Together. It was always a trial for us to stay together, but it was also inevitable. We are bound to each other by intuitive threads, and conventionally with love and friendship. My ideals of the perfect partner in my lifetime was mainly someone who would be able to understand what I was thinking without really saying anything out loud. A bizarre notion that I wanted a mind reader, when just the opposite was true. I needed someone who didn't speak much, who would then draw from me, MY words and thoughts. One who would frustrate me because he could not put into words what I was feeling. But it occurred to me some time ago that what I needed was to speak what I was feeling. I used to write. When I was younger, thoughts flowed from my mind to my hand to the paper. It was nearly effortless. But I wouldn't show anyone either. It was because I couldn't speak. When I realized that I was only speaking through my writing, I decided to change. It was pain...

Today was just one of those unbelievably poignant synchronistic days when everything happens for a reason - and not just any reason... but like, a really perfect reason. Two puzzle pieces that looked bizarre on their own. For the last week, I have been meaning to make my friend, Joseph, a cake in thanks for helping us out with a rooster issue. But for as much as I had all the ingredients out on the counter... waiting for inspiration and the time necessary to follow through and not rush... I had not been able to muster the muse to get it done. But, as it turns out, there was a real, universal reason for my procrastination. I definitely wanted to deliver it before we left for a long trip out of town... so as Thursday blossomed into being, I decided I would get it done. I loved making that cake. I did not dread it as I would a chore. It meant something to me to hand him something from my heart. So, the carrot cake came into the world from my heart... and was decorated with a heart. I also...

PICTURE Whose prom was this? I'd have to say, it was the worst of the 3 junior proms I attended. Just look at the dress. I think this was MY junior prom - so that would be #2. I went with Keith. We all did things we shouldn't have that night.   No, I take that back... Jon's junior prom was the worst and my friend Holly was there. And I'm sure that I had been drinking, so... no, maybe not the worst.  It was at the Ramada Inn in Mystic - and it smelled of sweaty people as if an aerobics class had just left and they'd had no ventilation. Holly... I think it was also her worst. Her date reeeeeeeked so bad, and was clueless, too - so he was hangin' all over her. She told me to smell him (which I did) and I thought I was going to fall over - my ears rang from the pungency. This is a picture of me and Erin dancing at Keith's junior prom? I think she went with someone 2 years younger... how scandalous. At least she was there to have fun with!    Erin, Erin,...